Weekends and Holidays are the Hardest. And some good news.

I am still in the five month pre-op diet phase with about 12 and a half weeks to go until my surgery date in February. Daily, I log my foods and exercise on My Fitness Pal (username:imawaterbender) and I also keep a written log to turn into the Lifestyle Classes at Magee Women's Hospital monthly.

The week days I have a set routine:

Get up
Get the kids off to school
Go swimming (the pool is usually empty)
Eat breakfast
Clean stuff/laundry
Eat lunch
Go out for a while, oil paint, do some exercise - basically ME time
Get the kids to do their homework after school
Make dinner
Listen to my husband's diatribe about how work went (usually an hour or so)
Eat
Get ready for bed.

On the weekends and when the kids are off for these long holidays, everything is mish-mashed. I don't really like to take my kids swimming with me, but I can't leave Charlie and Rachel at home and there is no sitter.

When kids are in the pool, they keep coming into my lane when I am swimming laps. There are no lane ropes and it's irritating. That means that I either don't swim or I swim when hotel guests tend to be in the pool and they irritate me, too. Same reason, no respect for a swimming doing laps.

 

Disclaimer: Not my actual kid.

Everyone makes such a mess that it's harder to keep things decent. And by decent, I mean, my house is usually not that tidy and they make it look like a tornado hit. Then, when I go to clean things up, it's disheartening to see that nothing lasts. I sweep the floor and minutes later there are chewed up paper towels and paper from the dog getting stuff that the kids have dropped.

I just get pissed off. That makes me want to eat junk. Plus they all eat junk. Don't say get the junk out of the house, because I have done that and my husband just buys more. It's like they love throwing it in my face.

So I usually end up breaking down and eating crap.

Yeah, Not me, either.

Yesterday I nuked taquitos from a box. I had no idea how caloric they were. They are so SMALL! I was still hungry, so I had more. When I journalled them I had to do a double-take. I ate 880 calories of them before I had journalled them, putting me over 1800 calories for the day. I decided that I was done eating for the day, problem was, it was just 1:00 PM.

I told myself that if I needed to eat, it had to be green beans because they are low in calories.

That was hard because I had promised them that we could go see a movie. We went and I only had water, but I was ticked off. Mad at myself for eating that crap and made at them because NONE  of them are having to be constantly on a diet like I am. I went to bed early to keep from eating at night.

God I hate struggling. But I guess I am learning. No more taquitos for me and have on hand foods that are good for me AND satisfying.

But let me end this on a positive. I went coat shopping on Friday and was looking at the 3X coats, wondering if I would fit into one. The last coat I bought was 5X. For some reason I tried on a 2X and it fit really well. I looked down the aisle and was astonished at how many more options I before me, because I fit that size. There were so many more 2X than 3X.

But realistically, just shopping at a store that sells regular sized clothes is a novelty for me. I had been ordering all of my clothes online. This opens up a whole new world to me. And it's just the beginning.

I do feel upset and jealous that others in my circle of life don't feel that they need to control what they eat. They don't have diverticulitis and can eat nuts, seeds, pecan pie and they don't care. Their waists enlarge and it doesn't seem to bother them. I fight it and they mock me with their food.

I am not fucking giving up.