Friday, October 6, 2017


I cancelled the plastic surgery because I just was terrified of doing it. I am going to table this and not think about it anymore.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Pannus Panics

Today I made the payment on the electric powered recliner that I am renting for a month.$145 with the insurance in case I bleed on it.

Putting some money into the surgery, even if it's only for a recliner, makes it real. I am beginning to panic a little bit. I researched my doctor to make sure that he was not Involved in a ton of malpractice suits. He's not.

I keep wondering if I can just live with this situation for the rest of my life and not have this surgery. When I think about the pain of going through it it seems like so much to go through for the pleasure of just not lifting the belly for this and that but I think that it's more than that. It's like an identity thing. I'm tired of identifying as the person with the stomach that resembles three deflated loaves of bread dough.

I'm panicked, oh what else is new? I panic over whether to eat toast. I panic when I get a wiper blade or headlight that goes out. I just panicked. I am choosing not to let Panic rule my life in this.

Feeling better but nervous

I stopped taking the Keflex several days ago and my symptoms in my GI tract have abated and as far as that goes I am back to normal thank the Lord.

The Keflex was for a boil that is in the general area where they'll be doing surgery and I looked some stuff online up and ended up using Preparation H on it after cleansing the area with a simple stride X pad.

By the way for those who don't know I am having a panniculectomy in 11 days. That is surgical removal of the overhanging fat and skin below the belly button. It is less than the tummy tuck but covered by insurance.

Yep. I felt that if Preparation H could stop the rectal bleeding and inflammation caused by the Keflex then it could probably take down the inflammation of this boil and it turns out that I was right.

The size of the boil is now imperceptible and there's a little bit of itching in that area but there's no pain. There is no big knot of what felt like poison/pus impacted below the skin.

So now I'm just concerned about what I'm going to go through and if I'm going to have any complications and how I'm going to handle the pain. It's one thing to say that you're prepared for 6 weeks of pain but it's another to actually be in pain.

I've been very aware of the fact that I don't have pain most days and that is blessing so my biggest concern is that I'm being foolish in dishing myself a great big heaping helping of pain for something that 50 years ago nobody would even considered doing.

So that's where I am right now and when I get that feeling I generally reach down and lift this enormous water balloon and remember why I'm doing this. I remember the infected boils and I pray that God will see me through this.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Friday, September 29, 2017


In a little over two weeks I am having a panniculectomy. I am nearly three years post op from Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy and have lost a little over a hundred pounds. I am over my low of 170 (I was super sick with diverticulitis and have been in the 190 range for about 10 months.

My insurance is covering the whole thing and and I think that I have a good doctor and staff.

So, I have had my EKG and that's all they are requiring because I am so freaking healthy. I am not worried about my boobs or my butt or legs, just focusing on the pannus and not doing the tummy tuck because that is $4500 more.

So. There's that.

Anyone else have a TT or Panniculectomy?

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

17 month update

A lot has happened.

1. I had another attack of diverticulitis which resulted in me being flat on my back for nearly 4 weeks.

2. While adding Foods back into my diet after the attack of diverticulitis I realized I was having real problem with wheat.

3. My doctor tested me for celiac disease and that has not come back yet but going on a gluten free diet has made huge improvements in my health overall.

4. Since the illness my weight dropped from 180 to 165 bringing me to a total of about 132 pounds lost so far. Size 12 is comfy now. I'm 5' 7.

5. I'm trying to drastically limit my stress. I had to find a home for the 9 month old German Shepherd puppy we were raising. She was just too strong for me to handle. We have one dog and one cat now. I feel like I just left an abusive relationship, as she was bruising me,  biting me and had broken my front tooth. Not her fault,  she was too strong for me.

6. I'm going to be starting seeing a counselor as of tonight trying to get my head around what my weight loss goals and body shape image problems are. Also to try to see what I need to do personally to keep my 16 year old autistic son from harming me.

There's more, I'll post a video but I know not everybody watches videos.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

It may kill me

Getting lost.
Human predators.

They all might kill me.

Or,  I might live on,  never having taken chances and, believe it or not,  I MIGHT still die.

Really does it matter how you die?