4 days/ working through anxiety with cognitive behavioral therapy

From about nine days until surgery to yesterday I was having kind of a hard time dealing with my anxiety.

I had made a video about some of the anxiety that I was feeling about the surgery and I started remembering my cognitive behavioral therapy and decided to print out a new workbook and start working through the modules.

I was really astounded when I got done working through the thought process module. I have been talking about fear of dying and fear of complications but as I work through the module it became apparent what I'm really afraid of is giving up foods that I have relied upon for comfort.

Cloaking that fear in a fear of death, allows me to express it to my family in a way that may cause them to say maybe you shouldn't have the surgery.

And that's what the me wants who doesn't want to have to give up food. She wants somebody else to say don't do it.

I know this is going to be hard and life changing but I'm going through it darn it all. And I'm going to be here afterwards.

I'll have to find new coping mechanisms, but that's what the cognitive behavioral therapy will really help with. I'm glad I have this tool because it is an excellent way to work through strong feelings.

Pre-Op Weigh in and CBT

Today I weigh in with jeans and a shirt on, rather than my typical routine of weighing in naked. After all, I can't do that at my Lifestyle Weigh In Classes at the hospital.

Last time I was at 272 and so far I am down to 270 with another 11 days to go until my weigh in, but I might be weighed in on December 4th at the Dietician appointment.

I am hoping that I can get below 270 by my next hospital appointment.

On Monday I visit the psychologist for my evaluation. I hope that I pass without needing to get a letter from my other psychologist that I had been seeing.

Either way, I will work through whatever they require.

I did some cognitive behavioral therapy this morning when I realized that I had been worrying about the sleeve non-stop for the last two weeks. Here is a breakdown of the worksheet that I was doing:

What event scares you: Thinking about VSG.

Thoughts: 
I will be unable to lose the weight alone. 
I will become sick afterward
I am not really THAT fat.
I will regret the surgery?

Feelings:
Loser 50%
Scared 40%
Guilty 10%

Thinking Errors:
Jumping to Conclusions
Magnifying

Evidence for my Unhelpful Thoughts:
 Some people regain after VSG
Some people have complications after VSG

Evidence AGAINST my unhelpful thoughts:
In all things, including my 7 pregnancies, much of the results depend upon the outlook, follow through and  dedication of the person to what is suggested by the doctors.
I will go into surgery as healthy as possible. I will follow my doctors advice -- and I have been following it all these months.

Action:
Be active
Take supplements daily
Do as told post op.
It is in my hands has to how this VSG "tool" works. This is my chance.
Stop worrying.

New feelings:
Empowered 60%
Relieved 30%
Scared 10%

Downward Arrow Technique:

Distressing situation: I will not lose the weight, I will fail.

Thought: I will fail to lose the weight even with VSG.
What does this thought mean to me: I will never lose weight long term.
What does this thought mean to me: I can only lose so much and then I relapse.
What does this thought mean to me: I am a failure.
What does this thought mean to me: I can't do anything right.
What does this thought mean to me: I always quit.

Inner Belief: I always quit.

Thinking errors: Black and white thinking, overgeneralizing

Evidence against my inner belief:

• I have not quit my kids or my marriage
• I usually go full steam without moderation, but through journalling and using CBT, I am learning more moderation.
• There are things that I have quit, but mostly I have a lot of resolve.
• I have a better chance of NOT quitting with the sleeve.
• Everyone quits some things. I am human and addiction to foods, sugars, carbs is not simply a matter of will power, it involves brain chemistry and body chemistry. The sleeve gives me a fighting chance against these body reactions and an ability to retrain my mind and body through the period when the sleeve offers the most dampening of hunger.
• I realize already that my hunger will not magically disappear, therefore I am not looking at this as a magic wand.