Post Christmas Blues

I have issues with Christmas. I don't much like the buildup, the finances just terrify me and the kids are off for three weeks. Then there is the fact that our house is tiny and the tree consumes the living room.

So today I evicted the tree.

I have two or three decorations still up on the walls, but the rest is gone. Now I just wish I could get back on track with my swimming and my eating.

I pretty much carbed out this morning on buttered toast, vanilla oreos and coffee. I am having this really rebellious feeling that I just want to EAT.

I feel that my surgery date is too far away, my final weighin is about the only thing that is holding me back from majorly strapping on the feed bag.

I'm stressed and depressed.

I am trying really hard to stay steady here. I am going to go get my ass into the pool, peeps.

UPDATE: I am down another pound to 262.5!!

Holy cow! I think that makes a huge difference in my mindset. I totally have got this!

In a completely different Phase of this pre-op period.

I wanted to write to talk about how I feel like I am on a different plane in this pre-operative stage. I have passed the last of my tests and have done every hard thing that I was required to do. I have been poked, prodded and had a camera down my throat. I have been wired up with a zillion wires  and been made to sleep that way -- TWICE!

Now I feel like the rest of this time is dedicated to:

1. Eliminating coffee and the rest of the caffeine from my daily routine.
2. Breaking the "Start the day with carbs" mentality.
3. Working out and eating the best ever, so as to go into surgery in the best health that I can.

They have not told me that I can never have coffee again, but I know that in the beginning stages, I won't be able to tolerate the hot, black coffee that I enjoy. So, rather than add a caffeine headache to the other issues that I will face in the first several days after surgery, I am going to decaf now for a week and then I will be changing my keurig cup size to small for a week and then weaning further until I am off of the coffee completely.

Although I may just decide to quit cold turkey.

The coffee goes hand in hand with the cookies. I usually have vanilla oreo cookies with my coffee. I used to dunk mega stuff oreo and have about eight. Then I went to double stuff, and now I eat two or four regular oreos, but I feel if I ditch the coffee, then I can get rid of the oreos, too.

This morning I made two eggs and enriched them with an extra egg white in each well of my pampered chef microwave egg cooker. Then I drenched them in salsa after they were cooked and on my plate.

That's a much better breakfast than cookies and coffee.

And my third focus is just on stay on track and not letting up. I have a period coming on, I know it. My skin is breaking out and my scalp is itching -- those are my two big signs. I want to stay steady even through the hormonal storms.

Wish me luck!

Thanksgiving - 80 days until VSG

Today I cooked our Thanksgiving dinner. We visit my husband's great aunt, who is 87 and lives in a senior living center. We visit frequently, but have all of the major holiday dinners there, because it would suck for her to be alone.

So today we had our dinner. I started cooking last night. It was not as hard as I thought it would be to be in a house that is drenched in the smells of food all day.

My calories for the day were 1637, that is over by 237, but in the big scheme of things, it's good.

Yesterday was my FIFTIETH birthday! Well, actually today is, but we celebrated yesterday. I had a bit of cake, dinner at Max and Erma's and got some really super presents. I felt really loved on.

Charlie has been having a lot of meltdowns, but we are dealing them one at a time. Today we had four. That's hard. It's hard on all of us.

I came home from being out with the family and was STARVING. We had eaten at 2 PM and it was 6 and I was just starved.  I had turkey, stuffing and gravy and some deviled eggs. I didn't journal before hand ---

Hang on, he's at it again...

--- but the result was only being 237 calories over. I can live with that. I did a kick ass swim today and swam an hour yesterday.

I have learned that in order to do a really good dolphin kick, you really have to twerk a little underwater to get the undulating movement going. Man, it felt weird, but good.

I also had to order a smaller bathing suit. Mine is way big on me, but most of that might be deterioration from chlorine. I am afraid the new one, when it comes, won't fit.

80 days to go.

12 Weeks to VSG

I think the last time that I counted weeks toward surgery I was at eighteen weeks away. Last week I was surprise to find myself at thirteen weeks.

And I stepped on the scale this afternoon and I am up two more pounds. Gosh, I am having a terrible time with this. 274 pounds today.

I can say that, other than when I was on prescription diet pills, this is the longest that I have ever lasted journalling every day. 97 days so far on My Fitness Pal. But I am so hungry all the time.

I can't imagine making it another DAY, let alone another WEEK, let alone TWELVE weeks.

Help!

I am going to jump over to Superherofitnesstv on youtube and do her kick ass chair workout. That should help me feel better.

UPDATE: DID it and don't I feel better already? Team LaShae!

By the way, I am newly in love with Hot Mess Princess! Check out her blog!